Why do people have children?
I still can’t wrap my mind around that issue.
Recently I passed by a parenthood fair at Marina Square, and there were many parenthood related booths around, from expensive baby formulas to immunization, diapers to playthings. What caught my attention was the cord blood banking booth. As we all might know, cord blood contains stem cells from which all cells can be borne, and is hence potentially the cure to immune diseases, and cancers. Cord blood banking is expensive, running into thousands a year. So I was wondering, if parents cannot afford to store their child’s cord blood, and most unfortunately the child might need it in future, then what happens? Whose fault is it? Maybe I shouldn’t talk about “fault”, but who will feel the most guilt? The parents, of course. Just because they did not have the financial ability to provide their child the best.
Is that what parenting is about, then? Providing the best money and time can afford? I’m sure these two sacrifices, time and money are given willingly by these parents out of sheer love for the child. Sending the child to Shicida classes at age 1, teaching them a third language at age 2, sending them for music classes at age 3 … just so that they can become superior to their not-so-rich peers, isn’t it. The sheer love for the child translates to giving them more than a headstart, more like a false start or steroidal boost in life, so that children can become the adults ideal in the parents’ eyes.
What’s sad is that all these parents have eyes for are the future, far away beyond the horizons, and they forget to look down just before their eyes at the innocence of their child.
I remember when I was a kid. My parents did a good job. Money or not, if a couple cannot provide love for their children (unconditional, unfettered love) they should be sterilized.
I’m not having kids for the sole reason that there are too many in the world today, anyways! I’m gonna adopt, as I was adopted.
Sadly, most people look at your view on this issue and think, “OMG WHAT BARBARIC THOUGHTS!” It’s ridiculous. If you cannot offer love and some sort of security for your children, don’t have them! There are too many kids anyways!
Actually your comment brings to mind one thing I wanted to write about, but just couldn’t get it down on paper/blog right. Whether when people become parents, do they love A child, or do they love THE child? The difference being, if they just love a child, they can love any child, including ones not their own (adopted, fostered, etc.) Whereas if they only love THE child, that’s one particular specific idealistic child they love, which then doesn’t seem to be unconditional. What this child doesn’t become that one that they love? And also, why is it that most people can only love children that are their own flesh and blood? Isn’t that a precondition to love – if you are my own, I will love you. Even before you’re born.
Well, my opinion is my opinion. People can think whatever they want, it doesn’t change what I feel. Feeling outraged by my words aren’t going to make them better people, or make the issue disappear.
I take it that you will not have any children of your own in the future? How about adoption then?
Personally, I do not want to have any children in the future (be it my own or adopted). I cannot foresee myself providing unconditional love for a mini-me. Perhaps, more appropriately, I fear that my child may not be able to live up to my high expectations. I am quite a perfectionist and will not be able to tolerate anything less than near perfect.
Plus, life is already pretty stressful as it is. I don’t see why I should trouble myself with additional stress by having a kid. As I am typing this reply, I recall returning home earlier at 10pm+, only to hear my neighbour still tutoring his eldest daughter (who’s taking PSLE this year) Chinese. Isn’t a care-free life much better? As a kid, I had to worry about my curfew and limited spending ability. Now that I’m earning my keeps and no longer need to stick to a curfew, I am relishing every moment of it. On the contrary, my colleagues who have children often have to rush home to take care of their young ones.
Last but not least, I would rather spend my money on frivolous things (for eg. buying that cute pink pouch even though I already own a dozen others), holidays, the little luxuries in life etc than have to spend it on my child’s tuition, school expenses, essentials, etc. Selfish, yes. But hey, everything’s so darn expensive now. One’s gotta plan for the future too, no? The way I see it, by having a kid, I will probably have to kiss goodbye to my expensive shopping purchases.
One more thing – out of curiosity, do you like children? (I ask this *not* because your post seemed to reflect that you dislike children. Rather, it’s because personally, I don’t like children too. Hence, this is another reason why I don’t want any!)
- creepcake
Hi there.
So in this respect earning your money and supporting yourself is not being selfish. At least in the way I see it. 
You are right, I do not have children, and I do not intend to have any.
I am a perfectionist too, so I find it hard to like a flawed child wholehearted. I only like cute, intelligent and well-behaved children. So I don’t think that constitutes “liking children” as a whole. I like to play with children, only when they’re not my own. Just give me their best sides – cheerful, happy, innocent. I don’t want to deal with the other stuff like soiled diapers, tantrums, crying fits … alas but these come in a package. So I’d rather play with other people’s children, and leave them to do the dirty work.
Many people feel that children more or less equates to their post-retirement financial security in some sense, since filial piety is a guiding principle in our society. So am I wrong if I say some people have children so that there’s someone to take care of them when they are old? Is that not a selfish reason in itself then?