Running With Scissors

 

Synopsis: When Augusten Burroughs was twelve, his mother (a poet with delusions of Anne Sexton) gave him away to her psychiatrist, a man who might have benefited from a touch of therapy himself. This is the story of the bizarre years Augusten spent in the doctor’s dilapidated Victorian mansion, getting to know the paedophile in-patient who lived in the garden shed, eating Valium tablets like other kids eat sweeties and resorting to the vintage electroshock therapy machine to liven up those quieter moments.

This book is funny, even though in a dark and morbid way. Augusten was grown-up at 13/14, maybe not mature, but definitely grown up. With a 33-year-old gay boyfriend. Gawd. At 13/14 I was debating to eat the peach tart or the strawberry tart (well sod that, eat them both). This kid was receiving and giving blowjobs. Like, is that even anatomically possible? (At this point I want to add a disclaimer- when I bought the book I had no frickin’ idea he was gay.) But it’s really interesting how he thinks, like you know for sure that’s a child’s way of thinking. But when I was reading the book I can’t help but associate it with The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time (Mark Haddon). Except that I slowly realized Augusten was not as smart as Christopher, but rather he was into all things shiny and clean, as well as hairstyling.

Here’s some quotes from the book:

“He limped and wore a constant pained expression on his face. ‘I wish I could just sit in a wheelchair,’ he used to say. ‘It would be so much easier to get around.’” — Pg 13

Like how much weirder can you get?

[The "he" is gay, and the speaker muses] “All this time I was beginning to wonder if Hope had been wrong. He seemed so normal, like a regular guy. He didn’t have a earring or talk with a lisp and judging by his brown shoes and pale blue polyester slacks he certainly wasn’t gifted with colors.” — Pg 74

And the stereotypes involving gays at that period of time when the book was set (3 years before Prince Charles and Diana got married).

And some semi-cute/romantic lines (albeit in a warped way)

“How could I sit there obediently pinning a butterfly’s wings to a lab tray or memorizing prepositional phrases? When the other boys in the locker room were showering and talking about their weekends playing soccer, what was I supposed to say? ‘Oh, I had a great time. My thirty-three-year-old boy-friend said he wished they could package my cum like ice-cream so he could eat it all day.” — Pg 125 (This really reminds me of someone. Snicker.)

“Come on, man. I just can’t stop thinking about you. You’ve got this fucking power over me. It’s like there’s nothing else in my life. Like it’s a stage, all blackened out with only one light in the center. You.” — Pg 157 (Aww.)

“I loved this side of Hope. That side that could, if necessary, give you an intramuscular injection or restart your heart.” — Pg 237

And you know there are so many quotes this time round? I discovered the wonders of having Post-its when you are reading. Some people highlight their books (I can never have the heart to do that), and I stick Post-its. People must think it’s my literature text or something. One draw back of Post-its – they tend to lift ink off the page. But it’s no biggy if you remove them fast enough (and not leave them there for 3 years).

So yes. This book is pretty amusing at times, but most of the time it’s just weird and prolly sick. I just don’t understand. I just can’t put myself next to them you know. And I hate that feeling of not being able to be lifted off on a psychological journey by a book. I just can’t picture it. So I guess I’ll wait for the movie to come out (Jan 2007 or so).